#53 – 9 Ways to Stop Being a Fucking Douche

I’m a saint and I’m a hell-bent heathen. I’m Dr. Jekyll and Mr. fucking Hyde. A few of my favorite books include Walden by T-Dub, the Upanishads, Freedom from the Known by Jkish, and Meditations by Marcus A.

I love listening to Pac, Beethoven, Dylan, Sade, Marley, Maxwell, and Bhangra and will sometimes listen to them in succession while working out.

I meditate, take walks along the beach, try to play hoop like I’m at the Rucker, have a habit of laughing uncontrollably at my own jokes, and c-walk whenever I hear California Love.

I’m a walking contradiction, but fuck it, aren’t we all at times?

I don’t give advice because people are gonna do whatever the fuck they want anyway so why waste energy.

I believe we all live in a great world but the obstacles that we’ve created for ourselves prohibit us from seeing that greatness. There are no good nor bad moments in life, there’s just moments.

Today I wanted to give you a dose of unadulterated, in your face, no bullshit spirituality.

A view on spirituality

If life were a circus, spirituality is having the awareness and foresight to get yourself out of the fucking madness by climbing a mountain to see the circus from a bird’s eye view.

Spirituality is having the ability to take a step back to realize that you are a witness to life.

You are playing the part of yourself, but also looking at yourself playing the part.

Spirituality is harnessing this awareness in you at all times. The more prevalent it becomes the less problems you encounter.

Below, I have listed nine practical, no bullshit, lessons in spirituality. If they work for you, GREAT! If they don’t, fuck it. Have the courage to create your own.

If my abrasive vernacular offends you, then please understand that they are just fucking words, and if words hurt your feelings, then you need a lot more help than I can offer. So hear me out for fuck’s sake!

The word fuck or…

Any other word perceived as bad isn’t actually so. The word fuck can be used in many different connotations, and if you were an adventurous fucker at least once in your life, then the phrases below are nothing new.

  • I fucking love you — Sometimes just loving someone isn’t enough. This is expressing that next level of love.
  • I fucking hate you — Sometimes just hating someone isn’t enough. This is expressing that next level of hate.
  • He/she was a good fuck last night — He/She was very talented in the bedroom the night prior.
  • It’s fucking beautiful outside — This is expressing how joyous and happy someone is about the weather.
  • That’s fucked up — This is expressing a rather unpleasant situation.

It’s how you use words that matter. Some words are bad because long ago one person decided it so. Fuck that guy/gal!

Needless to say, I will use the word fuck a lot in this article.

1. Presence is my default setting

The future creates anxiety and the past creates remorse and regret. I say, fuck the future and past, just live now.

There’s nothing esoteric about living in the present moment. When you are aware of this moment, you don’t think about the future and past, which means you aren’t thinking!

Presence = Not Fucking Thinking

Thinking takes energy. What happens when we’re present? WE HAVE MORE FUCKING ENERGY.

Thinking about the future elicits feelings that hasn’t come yet and thinking about the past makes us a walking corpse.

Sure, the past comes in handy with lessons learned and it’s important to plan for tomorrow, but how much of these events take precedence in our lives?

Be present, save energy, stop stressing, and enjoy the fuck out of life.

2. Sometimes you just have to say, “Fuck the internet.”

Don’t you find it a little odd that we have become a culture with our heads looking down at a little device for most of the day?

We derive gratification by over-sharing our life with the illusion that people actually give two fucks because they press a like button.

There is a thin line between spirituality and cynicism. I cross it all the time.

Social media is just bad news, literally. The world can be a fucked up place, but I question why cruel shit needs to be shared over and over again.? Is this really raising social awareness or just trying to fuck the world with depression?

Sometimes its kinda nice to not know what’s happening with my friends and family at all times. Sometimes it’s calming and therapeutic to sit down at a coffee shop and read the paper.

I’ve come to the peaceful sentiment that most people have boring fucking lives like me and that makes me feel awesome.

San Francisco, CA, in the land where every remedial task has an app assigned to it, I simply hack less.

Sometimes it’s exciting to get lost in the city or talk to a friend while fully engaged in conversation. Sometimes a hike without the need to capture everything on camera can be blissful.

Below, I have a great video on life hacking from Rich Roll.

2. Accept the jackass in everyone

None of us are perfect. Everyone is fucked up in some way. Why would we want to be?

Face it, when you dig deep, the jackassery (an actual word) traits of those we love are WHY WE LOVE THEM.

I can’t change anyone so I don’t try to. Not only do I accept the way people are, but I embrace it. Everyone is on a journey through this fucked up maze we call life!

NEWS FLASH — You are not that important. This truth hurts the ego, but when you lose your sense of importance, it’s hard to get your feelings hurt by anything. The sooner you accept this, the more happier your life will become.

3. Shut up and meditate

You heard me! Find a quiet room, turn off the lights, light some incense, learn some pranayama breathing techniques, close your eyes, sit down, cross your legs, shut the fuck up, and enjoy that shit.

Meditation is the ultimate gateway drug into the word of consciousness (awareness).

Forget LSD, magic mushrooms, molly, reefer or alcohol. Although all these mind-altering substances offer temporary euphoria, they fail in comparison to meditation.

You don’t need to be over the age of 21 or have a drug dealer. Meditation is available all the time. I googled benefits of meditation if you still need convincing.

Most people think the monks of the East are peacefully passive people who have forgone material earthly needs. This is true to some extent but they’re just people blissed out of their fucking mind and getting high on their own supply of consciousness.

I’ve gotten a natural high from meditation and it’s quite sublime. It’s helped me with creativity, sleep, patience, happiness, and reducing stress.

4. Don’t expect shit

Expectation is predicated on some future occurrence. Creating an expectation negates happiness and peace.

When you expect anything, you are in fact expecting the outcome of an event as it meets your needs. In essence, you’re in a delusional fucking fantasy. You can’t control how others will act so let go of thinking it. You just might become happier.

Thinking about what you can’t control only wastes energy and creates it’s own enemy — Worf, StarTrek Next Generation

5. Most people suck

Let me rephrase that. Most people are good people but some suck away precious energy from your life, leaving you constantly stuck in situations that aren’t healthy for the mind.

Energy is our most precious commodity.

As I’ve gotten older, my circle of friends has gotten smaller. I prefer it this way. When I have conversations, they are a deep, meaningful exchange.

The people who cause us the most grief can be those close to us. It used to be hard to separate myself because I felt obligated to be a friend or family member but I knew I needed to step away.

You need to realize that it’s not your job to fix anybody. If you want to live this life to its fullest potential, then you have to slowly remove yourself from those that cause strife. It’s a choice and a rather difficult one to make; I know from experience.

6. Eat healthier & fuck diet extremists

Food is about sustenance.

Who cares about diet gurus and their latest statistics on how drinking a shake will make you drop 200 lbs in 10 days. Who cares that not eating meat can save enough water to wash Donald Trump’s ego.

Food is about the body. If you’ve eaten shit that’s gotten you constipated, lethargic and sick, perhaps it’s wise not to eat that shit again. Sounds simple enough.

Discipline with our food choices is born when we put forth awareness in our decisions.

There’s a direct correlation between what you eat and how you see and feel about the world. We have an abundance of choice when it comes to food but with this comes responsibility. Choose wisely.

7. Don’t be an ungrateful prick

Nearly 1/2 of the world’s population — more than 3 billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day. More than 1.3 billion live in extreme poverty — less than $1.25 a day. 1 billion children worldwide are living in poverty. According to UNICEF, 22,000 children die each day due to poverty.

Have you gone without shelter today? Did you exhibit hunger pains today? Did you experience extreme cold to the point that it was life threatening?

If you said no, then you are one lucky fucking prick.

Sure, we all appreciate these things from time to time, but then we forget and become unhappy because we seek the illusion of more.

I have a list that I read from every morning that has all that I’m grateful for. I wrote an article called Gratitude Is a Practice if you want more insight.

Make it a practice to appreciate what you have every fucking day.

8. Fuck the labels

I was born a boy in America. My parents migrated here from the Islands of Fiji and our ancestral background comes from India. However, I could have been born a girl in South America, brought up in Germany by Chinese parents. Who the fuck knows why I was born? Nonetheless, I’m grateful, but thinking this way let’s me look at the circus of life differently.

With every breath out, I’m closer to death so wasting energy on nationalistic pride, religion, race, gender, and political affiliation just doesn’t vibe with me.

I wrote an article on how I’m divorced from identity. Take a read if time permits.

On my death bed, I will not think about stupid labels that have been conjured up that derive false meaning.

If labels don’t matter when I die, why should they matter now? This is an excellent segway to my last and final lesson.

9. We’re fucking dying!

What if today was your last day? How would you feel? What would you do? How would you act? I encourage you to think about this more often.

We know that we will all die soon but act like we are going to live forever.

Whenever I’m faced with a problem I ask myself, “ If I were to die today, would this bother me?’ The answer is usually no, so I quickly move on.

You will die. I will die. Your wife, husband, kids, parents, friends, family, dog, and every person you ever saw since the beginning of your life will die, decompose, and rot. If not, they will be cremated and turned into ash.

Death is a relative term, and for me death is now. I enjoy time with friends and family a lot more. I sip my tea slower and enjoy every bite of food.

Closing

All the spiritual stuff I’ve been reading about over the years have lead me to one truth and one only.

When faced with death, only two variables come to mind. Fear and love. One is an illusion and the other is a reality.

Love is the only thing available in the face of death and love is all there ever was and ever will be.

If you live as though you will die, you only have love. You only have time to smile and enjoy this temporary paradise.

Perhaps you can relate to some of the shit I spewed out today. Or, maybe not. Develop your own philosophy and what will help you best.

My advice is to keep an open mind and look at all of life as a tool so you can understand yourself better. Death is going to happen so stop being a fucking douche and allow love and joy to unfold and put to rest the problems that aren’t important.

With Fucking Love,

Anand Swamy


5 books that have helped me to overcome douchebaggery:

  1. Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
  2. Freedom from the Known by Jiddu Krishnamurti
  3. The Upanishads by Juan Mascaro
  4. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
  5. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

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