We have them. We can’t escape them. I had one a few days ago and it caught me off-guard because I can’t remember the last time having one.
Gratitude checklist – done!
Life is temporary contemplative type thinking. – done!
Setting an intention – done!
Meditation – done!
I dug deep down into my mental toolbox of positive thinking and came out nill. Instead of trying to understand or make sense of the way I was feeling I decided to wallow in my cesspool of despair.
My girlfriend was concerned. I told her I’m just having a bad day. She got it and didn’t try to cheer me up. I appreciated that.
The next day I felt better, actually much better. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t trying to find answers. Maybe being present isn’t about fornicating with joy. Perhaps presence is accepting all the beauty and bullshit life offers.
Sometimes you have to wallow in filth to appreciate what it feels like to be clean. Case in point- I worked on a farm a few months ago. I was covered in dirt, goat milk, baby saliva, sweat, dog drool, and mosquito bites. That evening I experienced one of the best showers ever. I believe this is similar to our bad days in that we must have them.
Life gives us infectious, euphoric, cataclysmic, beautiful and malignant doses of contrast.
The Zen in me tries to stay in the middle of the good and bad and stray away from reactionary thinking, but the human in me, the person that bleeds, the person that feels and has emotions says feel the high’s and low’s.
What I thought I know for sure, just isn’t so. Passion is born out of despair, enslavement breeds freedom and hate will eventually give way to love.
Live vigorously, unapologetically and kindly.